You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
wow bdsm is so cute
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
