apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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