The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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