I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The best revenge is premature balding
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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