david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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