i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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