Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
