writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
