yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
