There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
