I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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