after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
