so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
