you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
vagina is talking i cant
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
