i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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