So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
