eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
zippers are such a cool invention
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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