i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
