I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
