A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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