don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
