I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
