i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
