Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
