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so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You ruined the universe
Randomize