Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Shame is for Republicans.
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