Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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