Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
