Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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