I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
