Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pants are for mortals
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
