I didn't shave. On purpose
Soap is not a condiment
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
