dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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