rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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