I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
