I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
