Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
