hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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