he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
