Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize