note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
