Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
