I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
