I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize