Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
