I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
