Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
