Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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