that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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