Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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