My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
