protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
