All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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