oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
