he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
