ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
