Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
