he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
