Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize