There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
