haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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