Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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