i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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