just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
